Hurricane Cupid
-Rebecca Cressman
Wasatch Woman, Jan Feb 2007I didn't learn about true love from poetry, professors, or pundits either. I learned about real love while on the job.
If you ask me,
Cupid isn't as good of a shot as he should be. And, what more can we expect? Really, he's only a small cherub. The little guy has a tough job. In the first place, his feet are notsecurely on earth when he takes aim. He's actually no where near solid ground when he nervously hovers in the air above young lovers with his wings flapping behind. Maybe that's why he's so precarious with his shot. Imagine him flying erratically above the horizon, drawing back his bow, and then "snap!" releasing that taut string. And, to make it evenmore challenging, he has just one chance to get it right before the arrow whizzes by and strikes us in the heart. It's not an easy job, that's true but I still think he could do a lot better.
Relationship experts call the aftermath of
Hurricane Cupid "romantic love." You spray your pillow case with his cologne.You play back his voicemail messages over and over. And for some crazy reason, the sound ofhis voice triggers an overdose of dopamine in your brain. Young love is powerful, heady, and life-altering. The poet Khalil Gabransaid it best:
Love is a magic ray
emitted from the burning core
of the soul
and illuminating
the surrounding earth.
It enables us
to perceive life
as a beautiful dream
between one awakening
and another.
But all that talk of love being like a "magic ray" that enables us to look at life "as a beautiful dream" is what worries me. It reminds me too much of
Cupid and his errant arrows. All the focus on magical, dreamlike love seems off target tome. I've been married for almost twenty humbling years now. To me, real love is anything but surreal, mystical, or supernatural. It is as real and tangible as…well,my husband. I admit that when Isaid "I do" to him in 1988, I wasas naïve about the truth of love as anyone. My parents had divorced while I was a child and sadly each of my siblings' marriages crumbled one by one. But, I did have my role models. There were happy families at church I could peek at while seated in a pew two rows back. And, of course,there was TV Land. Mrs. Brady and Mrs. Cleaver seemed pretty happily married, though I never did figure out why it took solong for Alice to marry Sam the butcher. Where was
Cupid whenyou needed him?
I didn't learn about true love from poetry, professors, or pundits either. I learned about real love while on the job. I learned to listen when he needed an ear, toforgive when he made mistakes- whether he apologized or not. I learned to ask for what I needed, to speak my mind, and to give equal weight to what my husband thought too. I learned how essential it was to relax, rather than to react day after day. And, I learned how wonderful it is to hear "I love you" everydayof my life. But most importantly,I learned that perfect love is anything but perfectly ideal. And to me, that is the most important lesson of all.
We were married shortly after
Hurricane Cupid struck our hearts. And as responsibilities, children, and unexpected trials tumbled into our marriage, I soon found myself confused. Where wasthe 24-hour euphoria of young love? Did weaknesses in myself or in my spouse indicate weaknesses in our marriage? Other couple's all around us hit minor and major turning points: infidelity, terminal disease, infertility, financial insecurity, and more. We pushed through it and learned that in a relationship there will be highs and lows and that is the nature of living, breathing, love. We will be disappointed, surprised, stretched, and instructed through the journey. We will accept eachother's warts and weaknesses, but we'll be accountable to each other for what we say or do. And, we will draw a firm line to make sure we are never physically hurt,threatened or demeaned. The poet Rainer Maria Rilke is regarded asone of Germany's greatest. He once wrote:
For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
As February 14th comes and goes all eyes and hearts turn to love, loving, and being loved. I hope we can see Cupid's arrow for what it really is - an innocent beginning of what can be the most difficult and beautiful journey of a lifetime.
