32 reasons why hyperemesis rocks
let me first say a few things. if i haven't told you i am pregnant, i'm sorry. you'll understand after you read this. none of this should be misread to make you think i am in any way unhappy to be pregnant. (i am pleased as punch and even more pleased knowing this is without question the last one.) i have several friends who've had a very hard time getting pregnant and when i am sure i cannot take another day i do my best to remember that this is a blessing. currently a very very disguised one, but a huge blessing still.
also, if you are one of those delightful people who think that morning sickness is not a real thing, or gets over-exaggerated by weak women, or surely must not be real because you or your wife never got sick... may you eat 4 pounds of raw bacon, spend 8 hours on the tilt-a-whirl, get off, puke, eat the puke and get back on for 8 more hours for the next TWELVE weeks. cause that's how awesome hyperemesis is.
- just when you think the taste in your mouth couldn't get worse, you wake up in the middle of the night dehydrated
- needing to poke your zombie husband (who works late!) at 6am to beg him for a drink
- getting an IV for dehydration becomes a painful poking game because dehydrated veins suck
- assigning poor husband to keep you fed and hydrated with new tastes daily
- getting that IV at the cancer center with people who are really very sick and feeling like a jerk for disturbing them
- missing everything about your kids, dirty diapers and all
- getting the bill for the IVs, $400 each, not yet knowing if insurance is going to be generous
- hours and hours and hours of horrifyingly bad tv. cause when you're this sick, ain't nothin' else happenin'. people, i've seen the jersey shore. every pickle stinkin' STD ridden episode.
- headaches
- being totally unreliable. i forgot to do what?
- zofran side effects that will not be discussed here
- that metallic taste in your mouth? oh, it's blood. from your nose.
- nosebleeds
- a nose that is suddenly too small to breathe through
- yet humongous enough to smell the neighbors open their fridge
- you get to drop your kids off at your parent's house last minute to rush to an IV infusion appointment, realizing later it's their 38th wedding anniversary
- spending nights at your parent's house while your husband works
- desperately missing social occasions like church. i looooooong for relief society.
- leaving dirty diapers to my overworked mother who is also taking care of my dad after a shoulder surgery
- sending 5 weeks of late homework to school with your 4 year-old because you dropped the ball
- bright moments of non-puking hope that turn into dark days of a bucket next to the bed
- sending your husband out on numerous far-fetched errands. like finding a pastry with a fresh strawberry at 5pm (go directly to "the bakery" downtown)
- sending your husband out to buy a hand held shower head so you can sit on the floor to shower since nobody knows how to fix the stupid tub upstairs
- healthy happy non-sick pregnant women, who beam. freaking beam!
- grey skin
- nobody has to ask how you are feeling, they just look at you and cringe
- more zits
- if you're lucky enough to have it during christmas every person you ever met will bring you the nicest sweetest christmas present while you do absolutely nothing for anyone
- oh, and thank you cards for the gifts. forget it.
- puke, puke and more puke
- the lingering threat that this will not end after the first trimester
- the ONLY truly positive thing... -30 lbs in about 30 days. no joke. T-H-I-R-T-Y! being bikini ready means nothing when you never leave your bed.
